September 15, 2008

Life begins at rape... ask Mayor Sarah Palin

By Shannyn Moore

Can you imagine having to pay for the CSI (crime scene investigation-fingerprinting, photography, etc) if your home was robbed? What if a bill came for the breathalyzer tests if you’d been hit by a drunk driver? When Sarah Palin was mayor, the city of Wasilla had the most egregious policy against victims of rape in the state of Alaska, possibly the entire country. The rape kit, a set of items used by medical personnel for gathering and preserving physical evidence following a sexual assault, was charged to the victim. (note: step 6)

I sat with a rape victim during the “harvesting of evidence”. Mascara smeared eyes stared blankly out from a cave of shame. “We’ve got swimmers,” announced the forensic tech in the lab next door. My friend didn’t look surprised. In her 60’s, she was still asked if she felt the need for emergency contraception. Surviving the process would have only been compounded and made worse with an itemized bill; victimized twice courtesy of Sarah Palin and the city of Wasilla.

Much can be learned about the Palin Administration’s family values from reviewing their spending priorities. Former Chief of Police Irl Stambaugh included forensic rape kits (up to $1,200 per kit) in his budget requests. He was fired by Palin in 1997.In her termination letter, Palin wrote, “…I do not feel I have your full support in my efforts to govern the city of Wasilla. Therefore I intend to terminate your employment. . . ” Staumbaugh headed the police department since it was created in 1993. Before that, he served 22 years with the Anchorage Police Department rising to the rank of captain. Sarah Palin hired Charlie Fannon as the new Wasilla Chief of Police and said it was one of her best decisions as mayor. Fannon eliminated the forensic rape kits from the budget. Though the number of rapes weren’t reported, Fannon claimed it would save Wasilla taxpayers $5,000 to $14,000 a year.

When Eric Croft, a Democrat Legislator from Anchorage, learned of Wasilla’s policy, he drafted HB 270, which Governor Tony Knowles signed into law. The new law made it illegal for any law enforcement agency to bill victims or victims’ insurance companies for the costs of examinations to collect evidence of a sexual assault or determine if a sexual assault actually occurred. Upon signing the law, Governor Knowles said, “We would never bill the victim of a burglary for the cost of gathering evidence, nor should we bill rape victims just because the crime scene happens to be their bodies.”

Wasilla Police Chief Fannon protested the new law stating it would require the city and communities to come up with more funds to cover the costs of the forensic exams. Really? Are the true costs of sexual assault and forcible rape in a community only measured and reflected in the dollars spent on the forensic rape kit?

Alaska has the nation’s highest per-capita rate of forcible rape.A disproportionate number of rape and sexual assault victims are Native Alaskan women. Alaska Native people in Anchorage were 9.7 times more likely to be sexually assaulted than others living in the city between 2000 and 2003. Alaska crime statistics never seemed to make a “Northern Exposure” episode. But this isn’t about statistics-real lives were affected by Palin’s regressive policies. One thing Alaska can’t seem to export is the fundamental information around a woman’s rights. Alaska “liberalized” abortion laws before Roe v. Wade. Our dirty secret had to do with a woman’s right to be safe from rapists. This right to choose was not only threatened, but abolished with Sarah Palin’s archaic policy as Mayor of Wasilla. The rape kit included emergency contraception. To be sure, emergency contraception is not, nor does it cause an abortion. In fact, ec prevents pregnancy and therefore reduces abortions.

 

Under Palin’s Administration, “Life Begins at Rape” for women unable to pay for their forensic evidence gathering. Justice is served to women who can afford it and denied for those who can’t. I live in Alaska-the wealthiest of the 50 states! Forcing rape victims to pay for their own forensic rape kits is something one would expect to find in a fundamentalist country overseas. I have outrage fatigue. I can’t decide which facet of this policy is more upsetting. Is it the denial of justice for the poor? Is it the punishment of women who had been raped? Is it the political policies of a woman so entrenched in the “Pro-Life” movement she would deny justice to a victim? This is not a “Pro-Life” policy. This is a “Pro-Rapist” policy, and forced pregnancy policy.

It should be noted Joe Biden introduced legislation to fund rape kits to women in America. John McCain voted against it.

When Sarah Palin was elected Alaska’s first female governor, I hoped these issues would be addressed as part of her “historic” platform. When Amnesty International published their study on rape statistics and Alaskan women, the response was pathetic. The now dismissed Commissioner of Public Safety, Walt Monegan, acknowledged the lack of law enforcement in Alaska as part of the problem. Since that time, Walt Monegan has been fired and $2.5 million dollars threatened from the budget for State Troopers. John Cyr is executive director of the Public Safety Employees Association, and has been very critical of the Palin administration’s commitment to keep Alaskan’s safer.

Under the Palin Administration, a law was passed that specifically deals with rapists. I am not making this up. It is now illegal for Alaskans to buy or sell the “Rapist No. 1” doll. Oh, you haven’t heard of it? It’s an “action figure” from Quentin Tarantino’s film “Grindhouse.” Yes, really. So now if you’re raped, you can take comfort in knowing Alaska outlawed an action figure.

For all the Alaskans who have taken the charge to protect fellow citizens from predators, this was A GIANT WASTE OF TIME. It’s embarrassing to write this. Who in the hell has been prosecuted for this “outrageous” purchase. Did she think people in Alaska with the propensity to rape women were suddenly dissuaded because they couldn’t buy a movie action figure?

If Alaska’s sexual assault statistics were true for the rest of the country, rape would be considered an epidemic and the National Guard would be called up. As Mayor and Governor, Sarah Palin has made justice illusive to criminals and forensics a commodity that victims must purchase. Meanwhile, rape prevention sits on the backburner. Being a rape victim isn’t necessary for outrage. You don’t need ovaries to protect the physical sanctity of fellow citizens. Life does not begin at rape, it just gets harder.

 

---

Shannyn Moore. Born Alaskan. Patriot. Constitutionalist. Lover of Freedom. Giving hell to the establishment. Standing up to fascists and tyranny...both foreign and domestic.

© AlaskaReport.com All Rights Reserved.


 

If you need help on temple's campus, the people who run this program and the people in it are so sweet and supportive. You will feel at home, and you will learn to trust again.



"Sexual Assault Counseling and education (SACE)

If you are a male or female survivor of any form of sexual violence or abuse, sexual harassment, interpersonal abuse or stalking, the SACE program staff offers counseling, assistance and comfort. We also help by coordinating service with health care, crisis intervention and systems advocacy within the Temple University community. Individual and group counseling is available. Groups are offered on occassion for: rape survivors, survivors of child sexual abuse, anger management, domestic violence, and co-victims. See support groups information on each group.

SACE staff members work to reduce the incidence of interpersonal violence on campus. Educational training and workshops are conducted to sensitize students, faculty and staff to the problems of sexual assault, sexual harassment, relationship abuse and other forms of sexual violence"

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NOW IS THE TIME TO GET HELP. i PROMISE YOU WILL START TO FEEL LIKE YOURSELF AGAIN. GO ON... BE SUPPORTED!


-dani

It has been over a year now. So strange. And, I've already made such progress, in just a year. I've had a successful balance relationship, that ended on great terms. I've allowed my friends to stay over in a space that I can not lock them out of. I have learned to stand up for myself. And most importantly I have learned to respect myself and re-embrace my sexuality for what it is.

This all took me a year and did not start to put itself together until just a few months ago.

I have the best people to thank for this

Hopefully, if you are a survivor you can find your way back again. People are really wonderful. There is probably a lot of love and comfort you are missing out on if you are pushing people away. But don't worry, you'll learn to get it back. People are also more forgiving then you could ever imagine.

Sweet dreams.

-Dani

I've missed you !

It will have been a year in 7 days, and I feel i can say this with confidence and hope. I promise it gets a lot easier with time, and you become motivated to help those around you.

I do strongly feel, however, that some people lose sight of the bigger picture... every survivor has a different story, a different account, it is something to share with those you trust or to strangers to show them that you can get through it. Yet, recently, I have come to discover that there are many of us out there who compare stories, none of us suffered more or less than others. We do not need divides between us, trust that we will only end this atrocity and bring awareness only when we can unite and support one another.

SUPPORT YOUR FELLOW SURVIVOR!

My father, and his lack of knowledge in the case of my assault, has been a major issue for me until recently.

I finally told daddy

I think he was crying

but I know everything will be okay now, because he told me.



on another note, keep getting help you guys, there are (sadly) more of you out there with stories than you know. I'm so proud of everyone who are finally seeking help, thank you for your support too!

-dani

I was studying after my first day of classes
He rang my door bell
I let him upstairs
we talked about school
about a film
we worked on my poem
i drifted off
i felt pressure
was aware of what was happening
he held me down
took of his shirt
took of my pants
i said no
he put on a condom
i was too dry
took off the condom
spit on me
i closed my eyes and tried to be somewhere else
he was hairy and smelled like unwashed clothes and unwashed bodies
i said stop
he didn't
he finished
and kept going
i gave up
asked to be on top
"that's the only way i can finish"
"i knew you wanted it"
he let me go
i curled up in a ball and started screaming
i was hysterical
he carried me to  my bed
and held me
he asked me if i wanted him to stay
i said, "for a minute"
he got dressed and left
i went to bed, woke up in the morning
went to work
and trained three very large men
how to fundraise
i called danny



-Dani

now

i need a week of denial

and here it goes


-a salt shaker

 We listened, we spoke out, we marched and chanted

and then we ate cake


I am not alone, you are not alone, and following today's news from the doctors, thank god there are so many of you speaking out against this.

i suppose it is time to tell you in this blog why my vagina is "broken"

for one thing, it's a direct root to my head, which has problems talking with the heart, so I don't really know how to use it anymore

and another, I have HPV. It is positive that I have the strain that causes genital warts, but it is not clear whether or not I have the other strain too, which can cause cervical cancer, but for me, every abnormal pap smear is one step closer. I'm most likely in the clear, but I've had terrible luck up to this point.

Before everyone runs away or decides it's judgment day for dani, let me put out the facts

HPV is the most common of sexually transmitted diseases, some obscene number of sexually active adults will acquire it in their lifetime. There are about forty or so different strains, the high-risk (can cause cancer) and the low risk (can cause genital warts). Of the people who contract HPV, most will clear the virus without any signs, and only 5% of those with the low risk type will ever develope a wart.

So the break down, if you've had unprotected sex, you've most likely contracted HPV.

There is no definite test for males, if you boyfriend comes back clean, unless he has a wart, you really don't know if he has HPV or not.

If you have HPV, TELL YOUR PARTNER, any woman with HPV who is having unprotected sex is putting other women at risk!

And some incentive, having acid put on your clit because you contracted HPV is more painful then having appendicitis, true story.

You can find more information on HPV all over the internet, but ladies please get vaccinated, it's more serious then you think, but if you already have it, there are ways to control it just like any other STI.

And for every victim out there of sexual assault get tested early and often, mine could have been caught sooner, and the emotional damage could have been lessened. It's scary, but we are all at risk.

You don't choose it, you don't have to be ashamed of it.


Shake assault,


- a salt shaker

I'm frustrated with the fact that I didn't get to choose sex that time
and he took away my ability to choose who I can have sex with now

I want my vagina to be fixed

I want to sleep with who I want to sleep with

and I want it to be my choice

abnormal paps still

and I can't get the song out of my head

right now I would love to take a train to anywhere

if I could work and had the money

but no lifting for two more weeks





what happened to all of my friends?


-dani

Here are a few things that I have found help when I'm not feeling quite myself, or when I'm triggered...

1. Tea cures everything

2. Doing sudoku

3. Reading

4. Being with my boy (his name is Nibbles, I find that being with animals kind of works like tea, cures everything)

5. Jumping on my bed (I broke the legs off of my bed today doing that! It's like getting a new one)

6. Organizing that pile of mail

7. Taking a walk (what I do most often)

8. Stalk people on facebook

9. Exercise

10. SCREAM!!

11. Bake something vegan

12. Breathe a lot

13. Watch Ratatouille

14. Write a letter

just distract yourself, I did all of these today and I must say, it worked, i'm in a mood, but I don't feel like throwing people off of balconies so I suppose it is progress

Example of a trigger


My roommate made a cleaning day mix

we were singing along and being productive

and all of a sudden "just a small town girl..."

I burst into hysterics

For a moment I hadn't a clue why, and then I remembered that it was an inside joke between my attacker and I.



One of the most difficult parts of my situation, is that not only was I assaulted but it was by someone that I enjoyed spending time with.
I want to call him and tell him that I'm upset and I want him to cheer me up, but only because I used to find such comfort with him.

Today I am very confused.


ways to cope with flashbacks and triggers later today, promises.


-dani

On top of everything, I had my appendix removed

In actuality, it's a god-send

I withdrew from classes and have been spending the past two weeks with myself. I just recently started to go out again.

my anxiety has returned ten fold, I can't go to the grocery store or order food without wanting to stick my head and the sand and my heart flying from chest

(the funniest anxiety issue i have is a food-phobia, I am petrified to eat in front of people that i don't know that well, scared shit-less)

I don't want to leave the house, i'm too terrified to get a new job...




on another topic, take back the night is happening on temple's campus on monday

and the "i was raped" t-shirts, i ordered one

I've said since the beginning that talking about it is the only way to do anything about it. No matter how uncomfortable it is or how much it reminds you of what was taken in the first place.



fuck rape


-dani

It's been a rough couple of months, blow after blow.

I was sitting in a room of four and only one of us ladies had not been assaulted. I figure it's high time to get some help for myself so that we can all help each other.


When I returned to college after break, another one of my good friends fell victim to being helpless at the mercy of a sick man ( I know women are capable of assault too), this came as a shock, it isn't supposed to happen to such beautiful people.


The next blow, I contracted something from my assailant that only showed up recently.  It's difficult to know that it affects the rest of my life in a small way physically, but knowing its there, however none-threatening it it at the moment, keeps me up at night.

I have honestly started going to counseling this time,  I tend to say I will and then avoid it. I just want to be a good person again. I take this out on everyone around me, for this I am truly sorry, even though these trite words don't mean much.

A good friend of mine, came clean with the fact that he has indeed assaulted someone. She was intoxicated, more then he realized and did not remember sleeping with him. Whether he noticed it or not, this is rape. Be careful, the sweet ones aren't always the smart ones.


I am very confused with who I am right now, am I my now scarred genitals, burned with acid and a pinched cervix? Or am I just unlucky when it comes to my reproductive system rupturing and  landing me a shit load of oxy and morphine?

I can't help but come to the conclusion that every relationship I have from now on will be a failure for the fact that I cant' read minds, I don't know what anyone thinks of this, and people are so afraid of their truths.

on a side note hipsters don't dream in posi.


-dani

So I'm a lush

but...

I'm good enough to hold but not to keep.

I would really enjoy waking up after having a pleasant dream. I even read nice stories before I go to bed. I'm so tired.

So I've asked a friend to start going to the women's centre with me, I think it will help both of us

I still feel really disgusting most of the time, and when a guy kisses me it always runs through my head like the following... he's  just kissing me because  he thinks I'm easy, I must be easy, I've already had it taken from me, maybe if I just give it away noone can take it

I'm still trying to figure this out, but as for tonight,  Nibbles is the only boy in my bed.


-Dani

I haven't really thought about what happened. Too much else to worry about. Mid-terms, internship, will I have enough money to get me through until January. I'm tired but in that moving through jello around the fruit state. It's a high I suppose. I'll ride  this feeling as long as I can. "I thought you were always going to leave me like that." I recommend spooning as a form of therapy, especially with bearded men.

God bless M.C., sometimes the bad ideas turn into really bad realities, and then we never get the chance to learn from our mistakes. Don't overdose, wear your seatbelt, and I'll talk to you all soon.

Goodnight Moon

-Dani 

So I've been sick for over a week

nightmares almost every night I'm alone
so strange

I think it's why I'm not getting better

I think I'm going to hire sometime to put me to bed so I can get some rest.

-Dani

For  me the worst thing about sexual assualt is that it happens and that's it. I'm still alive, the earth's crust did not open up and swallow me into fire. And to keep pushing, it  happens so often and no one talks about it.

So that's what's helping me, talking about it, even if it is to myself. There is a four month wait to see a therapist at my school, and last year I went to a graduate student  who was working towards finishing up and I'll never never do that again.

What I need to talk about at this moment because I can not seem to concentrate on my school work for the life of me-

I have mattress issues- Explanation, I am very self conscious in the presence of everyone right now, and more so when I'm not wearing anything. You would think that people who know this would take this into consideration when attempting to be intimate with me, esp. the after part. nope. Dealing intimately with someone whose recently been sexually assaulted is the scariest thing, I don't think I would ever do it. There are flash backs, triggers, I can't explain what's going wrong, and sometimes I just want to stop because I get scared. I can't trust you enough to tell you these things, which is why I shouldn't be sleeping with anyone in the first place, but I can't tell you these things because I'm terrified you'll laugh at me, or stop talking to me, or what I'm afraid of the most, you'll stop sleeping with me.


I have " mean girl" issues- Let's get this one out there. I am making quick judgments on everyone I meet, and I'm breaking down the characters of those I truly care about. I'm really just pushing you away because I think that you do or if not yet you soon will think of me as a vile creature. And I really don't want everyone to know how I'm reacting to the situation outside of this, if I don't put it on here I don't want the world to know. I'll tell the fucked up ways I self medicate when I'm ready, don't do it for me, someone already made a decision for me once and now I'm just trying to get my control back. All the meanest things I've ever said I've said recently. Kind words are hard to come by from me. I'm really afraid of you, you being everyone, kind of like a bear getting into the cooler, and then burly pen-pal naked except for flannel shirt whistling "in the jungle" to scare him away, skidish.

I am still blaming myself- I am very angry with myself as I've said before, and I still am, my other cowardly acts aren't helping either. I'm not only angry at myself for letting it happen but I am upset that I'm reacting in such blatant (like this blog) and aggressive ways (see "mean girls"). It has nothing to do with you. It's all me. I know I'm the most selfish person I know I'm being a wretch, but at least I know it, and that leads me to be able to work on it.

I feel like a blow-up doll.

I will never weigh it on you, anything that has happened I take the blame for, so don't be scared of me.

I promise myself not to carry this around for ever. I'm shaking the shells, and hopefully, after enough mashed potatoes I'll be better.

and right now I'm smiling, it's not as bad as all this, but it was two minutes ago.

"Can I be on top?"


So many reason why I feel guilty for what happened

I stopped in the most tawdry way.